2025

Guys, I got in. I got fucking in. Opened my email and I'm hit with notifications from the application portal. Saw the word 'admission' there. I'm not kidding you, my heart skipped a beat. But still, don't get your hopes up before you actually take a look at it, right? Could be some shitty notification like 'sorry your uploaded documents are still not enough'. But I checked and it's the real fucking deal, I got an admission. Holy shit. And now I'm having an existential crisis. Do I really want to go? Leave everyone and everything behind? My trainer, my best friend, my motorcycle, my awesome deal with the boxing club? Everything seems to be going so chill right now. Do I really want to let go of all that? But the other part of me tells me that if I don't leave right now, I'll never fucking do it. Plus wasn't this my dream? I mean, yeahyeah, I never really planned to go to university, but... I've been cursing this hellhole and wanting to leave for a good few years now (of course that was because the house felt like a prison for neurotic people). Want to distance myself from others. Prove to myself I don't need anyone or anything, that I can do just fine by myself. I still want that. Yes, I do. I'm ready for my next freakin' adventure. Yeah, so what if everyone in the uni is a tightass? So what if I don't get everything right the first try? So what if I don't suck up to some bitter professor who wants everyone to act like they're einstein? (okok, I don't know if there's actually gonna be professors like that, but hey, just prepare yourself) Fuck yes, I'm going to Germany!! Oh, btw, did I tell you they have a fucking ship building club?? AND a sailing club????? -M 25.07.2025 Dudes. We're so fucked. The future will be not much fucking different from Fahrenheit 451. Maybe even worse? Alright, so I thought about why I seem to hate most new things. Product-wise, at least. Came to the conclusion that it's because by 'improving' the products they sell, companies actually make them worse. That new BMW with a fancy dashboard, an integrated GPS and LED lights that change color based on what time of day it is? Well, your location and routes will be tracked, so should anyone access your data, they'll be able to see where you live, where you buy your milk and whether you went over the speed limit on your way home. Your smart fridge can be used to track your eating habits and share that data with food delivery companies or businesses that sell diet plans. The smart watch that will happily tell you deets about your last run? The data collected by that device can tell a lot - where you live, when you sleep and wake up, when you prefer to exercise, etc. Let's not forget all those cookies that websites just love to store! God, disabling cookies is so tiring (and I'm not even ALLOWED to deselect everything) Every entertainment platform (think Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Netflix, ...) collects data about you to push you fresh content that you might enjoy. ... And it's not like new tech is made to be better, more durable. No, no. That new robot lawn mower will be a lot more difficult to fix than an old, reliable diesel mower. (Plus the robot will probably break way sooner). My point is, THIS IS SO FUCKED UP. And it seems like people don't even fucking care. Or that they want it to be like this! Right? People like fresh products, cool cars with cool features and new phones with AI. They like to be comfortable, get their food delivered to them while watching Netflix. They like making their life as easy as possible. Maybe that's where the problem lies. The tech is just a symptom, comfort is the disease. Coming back to the analogy with Fahrenheit 451 - the reality's not too far off, huh? Surrounded by screens. Nobody likes to read books. People are being watched. You can't escape it, either. There's nowhere to escape. You do everything not to be alone - plugging a device into your ears before falling asleep. And what can I do about all this? Nothing much. Boycot shit I don't like. Maybe inform my friends. And prepare for the world to get even more fucked. -M 2.07.2025

So much has happened dude

Ok guys, life update. I finished school. Finally. I ain't joking. I'm done. No one can tell me what to do. Right, now on to fucking university. Honestly, maybe I was a bit pressured into going to university. Wasn't I? I mean, all my relatives and shit are of the opinion that going to uni is your only option. But I know it's not. So why am I going? Well, Mr. Nosypants, it seems like the most awesome thing to do right now. Just imagine - you'll finally be living in a whole other country, hundreds of kilometers away, all alone, nobody knows you. Sounds like a dream. And did I tell you how awesome Hamburg is? There's a fucking metro, dude. I've always wanted to live in a city where there's a metro system. And there are ships. I love ships. So no, I wasn't pressured into it, it just seems like the best step to take rn. Cuz I want to keep learning shit like physics and math and robotics anyways, so why not do it pretty much for free in a uni? Now, on to other life updates: * i did my first pistol squat WITHOUT holding on to a chair. AND i did 5 pull-ups in a row - this is my best so far. * while we're talking about firsts, I got my first battle scar on my face! I mean, like a real scar. So far, I've only got bruises and shit on my body while sparring, but last saturday, the little bitch Kristjan practically gave me a beating, and although I had one of those funny helmets on, I've now got a dark red line (about the size of the pinky finger's nailtip) right next to my nose. Hey, don't look at me like I'm a weirdo for being happy over this. Y'know it adds like 10 coolness points. * my bike's fork started leaking (or well, it's been leaking for a long time and I've just only now connected the dots: "Ohh, so the dark spots on the driveway are coming from the thing that's sitting there 24/7, my bike"). gotta fix that son-of-a-bitch. hopefully it's only a dirty fork seal and I only need to clean it and top up the fork oil. if that ain't the problem then buddy, we've got problems. * so we had a party after the graduation. guess what, the teachers were there, too. long story short, i drank a shot of jägermeister with my teacher. * i buried my dog. * i performed shittily in the final math exam. but hey, fuck that, not like i care. * other than that, my days are pretty monotonous: i study a bit of physics (khan academy - thank you, you're my saviour!) and linux (networkchuck, i won't forget you). i accepted a huge proofreading task for some murder mystery game, and it is killing me. but nah, i kinda like this right now. i feel like im learning more than in school. -M 26.06.2025

Guess who's back!

Well hello there, mi amigo. Haven't done shit here for quite a while. I guess I was kind of scared to even start editing any pages and writing some nice css, cuz I thought I need to have some crazy good structure and plan out the whole website and shit. Like hell am I gonna do that. Turns out, though, you just gotta start somewhere - I designed the blog post page and the actual post pages for 2024 and 2025. Yay, progress.

Man, I just read my blog entries from like half a year back and it's crazy how much has happened since then. I've given not one but TWO kickboxing trainings (replacing my trainer when he couldn't come). I've sat three exams. (Aced the informatics exam, btw.) I've continued learning about computer science (finished the Khan Academy AP Computer Science course - 10/10 recommend) and now started a course on high-school physics. Hey, I need to freshen up my knowledge, ok? What if I actually get into a uni and then don't know the most basic shit? Oh and you know what I'm most excited about? Hacking. Ethical, of course ;). I dunno how, but I ended up thrown into the hole of NetworkChuck, Mr Robot and Linux. And that's why... I've installed linux!! On my mother's old laptop. It is so fucking cool. Sped that old brick up like 10x. And it's fun to learn to navigate the computer via commands. I also got my first web dev client, buuuut that went to hell. We had a long talk on the phone (after he had asked me like 100 questions through chat) and boy, he talked even more on the call... We both promised to do some shit and then talk again, but we haven't had contact since. Kinda relieved, though :D. He seemed like a pain to work with. I discovered and rediscovered so many great songs and bands - Pink Floyd, "Fly away" by Lenny Kravitz, Maneskin. And of course I reorganized my mp3 player. Oh and I went to Portugal and it was freakin' amazing. Did a whole round-trip: Porto, Lissabon, Ericeira, Lagos. Cuz I just can't stay in one place, that'd be boring.

Yah, I guess that's about it. Summer's here and school's out. I LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN. Crazy.

-M 02.06.2025

Man, have I got news for you

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. Why am I ohmygoshing? Because kickboxing. Went to a regular Saturday's sparring today, and well, let's just say it's the highlight of my day. First of all, it was a struggle to get there - some former damn president of the country decided it's a nice time to die and have his funeral (to which like EVERYONE went, apparently, cause the roads were blocked) on a kickboxing day. The nerve of some people. And in addition, it's snowing heavily. The result? Uh, my bus was about 15 minutes late. And even though I thought 'damnit, I should've gone by car', that thought quickly vanished when I saw about three road accidents on the way. So that's the first thing. Snow and arriving late to my training. >:(

Sparring was nice, I got to spar with dudes I don't normally spar with. They've been doing this longer than me and are better, but I feel like I'm getting better and better every time (meaning that maybe I didn't exactly dominate, but.. at least I challenged them.) One of them was pretty handsome (doesn't normally go there so I haven't seen him before). Not gonna lie, I'd spar with him elsewhere, too. ANyways. At the end of training, coach talked about a competition coming up in May and said that he's not pressuring anyone to go, but he sees potential. He asked whether I want to go. Damn. I really don't know. It's awesome he thinks I'm ready for that, but. But. I haven't really thought about whether I even want to compete, y'know? I do this for other reasons, not to compete. But it wouldn't hurt to try, though, would it?

And he also talked about the possibility to try out coaching. You hear that?? I could try giving a freakin' training. Now that's cool as hell. And yeah-yeah, I know I've only been training for a few years (so obviously I'm not as experienced as to teach a real kickboxing class without feeling like I'm an imposter), but hear me out. I could teach like some easier classes - women's fitness-kickboxing seems like the best idea. Because I know there are women who would like to try, but are too scared to do mixed group training, or think they're too unfit etc. So, I could do kind of a combined training, each day smth different - bagwork, circuit training, strength training, etc. Cause I feel I'm quite competent in those things already. Also, I'd be getting a small pay, which is nice. We'll see what comes out of this.

And I didn't make plastic film out of glycerine and gelatine today. Oopsie. I'll try to tomorrow.

-M 11.1.2025

Because fuck garbage.

OK people, let's talk bioplastics. I just found out you can literally make bioplastic packaging at home using only glycerine, gelatine and water. (Can also be done with seaweed, potato or corn starch, etc.) Why on earth aren't we using these?? It makes me sick whenever I see my family's garbage bin full to the edge, only a few days after we threw out the trash. And to think this is only two people. How the fuck is plastic packaging still a thing??? So, to me it seems like bioplastics would be a damn great alternative to at least some of the packaging we use on products - stuff like meat, bread, some dairy products (kohuke!), clothes at stores, could all be packaged in that gelatine shit. Another question is, of course, whether it meets safety standards for food. Bacteria mustn't get through, the package needs to survive for at least some time. But then again it should also be compostable.

Yeah. I wanna head to the store and buy some glycerine tomorrow to make a little experiment, see whether this stuff actually comes out okay, and how long it takes to break down.

PS. I signed myself up for the informatics final exam (basically programming, in html and php). Teacher said we can use the internet during the exam, so it should be easy. Right?

PPS. I finished reading Metamorphosis by F. Kafka, and damn, I almost started crying in the library. Gregor was having a tough time, nobody understood him, his family was annoyed and took shitty care of him. He was a burden to them for such a long time, and no one knew what to do. His sister broke down and he finally crawled back to his room and died there.

-M 10.01.2025

More notes

* sabine hossenfelder: jeff bezo's space plans make more sense than elon musk's
* elon musk's plans for mars; neuralink; tesla robots; tunnels will be important on mars (the boring company)
* “Cyberpunk was a warning, not an aspiration.” - Mike Pondsmith
* researched AI some more (chatgpt and its alternatives, to create apps with APIs, because ChatGPT costs. apparently, there are alternatives like Groq.), created my first DALL-E picture, discovered that chatgpt has a whole number of different customized versions of GPT (ScholarGPT to help you learn, Fitness PhD coaches, travel guides etc.), researched impacts of AI vs streaming videos vs eating meat etc. * fartface looked to be in a lot of pain today. father came back home also. skipped training for some family time. cried twice. was very awkward to hand over the card to my father. felt very weird and tired, maybe starting to get sick.
* happy new year, bitches! yesterday was spent soberly in my old classmate's house (fancy fancy), had fun but still felt that I don't entirely fit in with the group (they're all so sincere and comfortable with eachother, plus christian (duh!) and absinent (didn't know this word in english!)). we stayed up til 7, we made 2025 bingos (i drew a nice picture and completed my first bingo square), nobody wanted to play board games with me ;(, A and J cooked some shrimp curry (very delish).
-M 2.01.2025